


Eggnog and Lies

by unforgvnsam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Aphobia, Bisexual Sam Winchester, F/F, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Manipulative Lucifer (Supernatural), Multi, Panromantic Castiel (Supernatural), Past Castiel/Meg Masters, Past Lucifer/Sam Winchester, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Sam Has Self-Worth Issues, and it's displayed vvv negatively, because of lucifer, i really don't like lucifer okay??, i really don't ship it, it's all the past samifer i'm sorry, probably biromantic actually, there's cuddling tho ????
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-02-17 15:56:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13080285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unforgvnsam/pseuds/unforgvnsam
Summary: Dean's coming to visit Sam at Stanford for the holidays, and Sam needs a boyfriend ASAP because he may have told a lie or two.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I usually only post my stuff on Tumblr, but I've been wanting to start posting on AO3 for a while, so I'm attempting this??  
> Feedback appreciated. xxx  
> (My Tumblr is [pienotcakeyouassbutt](http://pienotcakeyouassbutt.tumblr.com), but that's probably changing in 2k18.  
> Update: It's now [unforgvnsam](http://unforgvnsam.tumblr.com).)

“Okay, so give me the whole story, Sam.” Jo put a glass in front of him. “And drink up.”

He gave her a confused look. “Eggnog? I think I could use something a little stronger than  _eggnog_.”

She smirked. “Nah, don’t worry about that. It’s got plenty in it… Now tell me.” Jo leaned against the counter with her eyebrows raised. “Charlie said Dean’s coming tomorrow, and you’re freaking out because…” She waved her hand in a  _please explain_  motion.

Sam groaned. “Do I really have to talk about it?”

“Hey, Charlie said you needed help finding a date or something, and I’m trying to help you out, but I need some context, Sammy.”

He avoided her gaze and looked around the coffee shop instead. It was some stupid holiday party at Jo’s cafe and Charlie had told him to go. The place was popular around campus and it was busy, especially because of the party and it being Friday night. Alex, Claire, and Jack were busy serving everyone while Jo talked to Sam, which made him feel bad but he knew she wouldn’t stop now.

“It’s  _Sam_. And not just a date. I literally need someone who’s  _been_ dating me for a while. And that’s obviously not gonna happen by tomorrow.” Sam let out a long sigh as Jo kept looking at him in confusion. “Yeah, Dean’s coming tomorrow for Christmas. I mean, I didn’t even know he was coming until the other day! He originally said he wasn’t gonna make it, but Bobby convinced him to take some time off from the shop and…” Sam’s voice trailed off.

“Okay, but what’s the problem? You and Dean get along pretty well, I thought. And why the fuck do you need a datefriend?”

Sam looked down at his eggnog. “Um, beginning of this year, after winter break, Dean was just kinda worried about me. I dunno. He does that a lot. Especially after last year, and losing Jess…” Sam stopped talking before shrugging. “I mean, I didn’t even have a  _roommate_ yet because it’s like people were freaked to stay with me after the fire last year… Until Cas anyway because he obviously doesn’t give a shit about possible curses. Anyway, I started dating Luce in like April and Dean felt better because I had someone, even though he never met him.”

“Yeah, well, Lucifer was a complete and total  _dick_ who didn’t deserve you. Glad you dumped him.” Jo winced when Sam looked down at his glass. “Sorry. That’s not his name, and maybe that was a little har-”

“No, no… You’re right. He  _was_ a fucking dick and I should’ve broken up with him a lot earlier. I just… when I finally told Dean a few weeks ago, I said I was dating someone else, but now I’m probably just gonna have to tell him that I kinda totally lied and he’ll probably be worried because I lost someone again, and I dunno.” He looked up with a tired grin. “Unless someone wants to fake date me?”

Jo snorted. “Hey, don’t look at me, Sammy. I’ve got a girlfriend. But we’ll see what we can work out. You gonna be picky about who?”

“Uh…” Sam chuckled nervously. “I accidentally said  _he_ when I told Dean I was dating someone, and had to keep going with that lie.” Jo groaned and gave him a  _seriously_ look. “You have any willing gay guys arou-?” He jumped slightly when someone dropped down on the bar stool next to him.

“Well, I’m gay and possibly willing. It might work?”

“Cas… Do you have any idea what we’re talking about?” Jo asked at the same time that Sam mumbled, “You’re… gay?” He felt himself get excited and happy for a second, but shoved it down, ignoring it.

“Absolutely  _none_.” Cas shook his head and shrugged. “And yes. Well, panromantic if you want to get specific… Anyway. Why the hell do you need a willing gay guy?”

“No reason. You’re already stuck being my roommate. You don’t need to hear about my problems.”

Jo’s eyes lit up and she grinned. “Actually, that could totally work.” She turned to Cas. “He needs someone to fake date him while Dean’s here.”

“Dean… Your brother Dean?”

“Yeah.”

“He doesn’t want Dean to worry about him after Luce and everything, so he needs to pretend he’s been dating someone for a while. A guy, specifically.” Jo gave Sam a fake smile and he glared at her. “Which means we have fewer options.”

“Okay. I guess I’ll do it.”

Sam froze, staring at Cas, who shrugged. “You’ll… you’ll what?”

“Like you said, I’m already living with you. It won’t be that hard.”

“Yeah, and this way you guys actually know each other, which’ll make it more convincing.”

“Y-yeah.” Sam attempted a smile, feeling nervous. This couldn’t be happening. He’d had a slight crush on Cas for a while, and now he was supposed to  _fake_ date him?

“Cas has experience with stuff like this too.”

Cas ignored her and looked at Sam with a small smile. “Only if you want to though, Sam. It’s your choice.”

“Okay, yeah. Why not?”

“Cool.” Cas grinned. “Winter break was going to be boring anyway, so this is good.”

Jo rolled her eyes and snorted. “You guys are both weird, okay? Really fucking weird… And I’ll get you two more eggnogs on the house while you figure this out because you’re also my fucking weird friends.”

Sam shook his head. “No, no. Jo. It’s fine.”

Jo pretended not to hear him and went to make two.

“Good luck changing her mind, Sam.”

“Yeah…” He looked up. “What’d she mean about you having experience with stuff like this?”

“Uh, we went to highschool together, and there was this girl Meg. She was dating my brother Michael but he was a douche and she caught him cheating with her sister, Lilith.”

“Who— _shocker_ —was a total bitch.” Jo put two drinks in front of them. “You guys can go to the back room if you want. It’s quieter. Not as many drunk-on-freaking- _eggnog_ students over there.”

Cas stood up and Sam followed him to one of the couches in the back of the coffee shop.

“Yeah, so she asked me to fake date her as petty revenge, and I agreed,” Cas said as he sat down, picking up where he’d left off. “She was my friend, and it’s not like my brother was exactly my favorite person or anything. And, oh man, Michael was  _pissed_.” Cas laughed, looking up at the ceiling. “We were only gonna do it for a couple months, y’know? But… somehow we ended up dating for real? All through summer break and then senior year.”

His smile faded and he shrugged. “Then college happened. I got accepted here, to Stanford, and she got into Oxford. She, uh, well she said it was fine and she didn’t have to go. But come on. Who are we kidding? Full ride to Oxford? I told her to go. She was smart and deserved it.”

“I’m sorry…” Sam mumbled. “Seems like you really liked her.”

“Nah, it’s okay. I did, but it’s been a while. And besides, I generally tend to get attached to people more than they get attached to me.” He smiled again, even though it was tight.

“Yeah…”

“Okay! So how did we start dating?”

“What?”

“What’s our—” air quote “—meet cute? For anyone who asks.”

“Um…” Sam’s mind went blank as Cas stared at him, waiting for suggestions.

“You’re helpful.”

Sam made an exasperated noise. “Okay, fine. You think of something in five seconds!”

“Okay, after breaking up with Lucif—  _Luce_ , you were kinda moping around forever, so I dragged you out of the house and to the movies and then to dinner. The waitress at the diner thought we were a couple, and we thought it was funny so we didn’t correct her, but then in the parking lot, I kissed you and admitted I liked you.”

“But that’s all true!” Sam whined, shaking his head. “You didn’t think any of that up!” His face flushed and he was thankful that the room was dim except for the Christmas lights strung around the room and single desk lamp on in the corner where someone was  _actually_ studying. “I mean, except for the kissing part… And the you liking me part obviously.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Cas laughed. “You can stop blushing, Sam.”

Not dim enough apparently. “I’m not  _blushing_.”

Cas leaned forward and touched Sam’s face with his cold hands. “Pfft, yeah you are. Your face is really warm.”

“Shut up.”

Cas smirked but pulled his hand away.

“Does everyone call him Lucifer?” Sam forced the question out, his voice quiet, even though he’d been wondering for awhile and probably knew the answer.

Cas didn’t answer right away and Sam glanced down at his lap. “All your friends do.”

“Oh.”

“ _Sam_.”

He met Cas’s blue eyes again.

“You were way too good for that ass. And you’ll always be too good for him.”

“That’s not tr-”

“Yes. It is true, Sam Winchester. I don’t care what he told you, but you are  _incredible_ and deserve so much more than him.”

Sam gave him a small smile, knowing that  _Cas_ believed what he was saying, but he was having a hard time believing it himself.

They both sat in silence for a little while until Cas came up with a new question.

“We’re gonna have to sleep in the same room, aren’t we?”

“I can sleep on the floor.” Sam shrugged. “Put some blankets or a sleeping bag there.”

“Yeah, no. Not happening, Sam. I mean, come on. As long as you don’t mind, I don’t care either. And your bed’s big enough.”

“Yeah, well, last time we ended up  _cuddling_!” Sam’s voice squeaked nervously when he remembered the night after he broke up Luce.

This time Cas’s face turned red, but he shrugged. “You were drunk and miserable after that stupid party and your stupid breakup. And when I got you home you were already half asleep. You asked me to go to sleep with you with those puppy dog eyes. How was I supposed to say no?”

He broke his gaze away from Sam as two people came into the back room. “Oh. Hey, Balth. Hey, Gabriel.”

“Cas!” Gabriel grinned. “Who’s your friend here?”

“Oh, um. This… this is my boyfriend, Sam.” He scooted a little closer, and Sam held up his hand in an awkward wave.

“Winchester? Your friend who was dating Lucifer?”

“Not just  _my_ friends. Apparently  _your_ friends even know him as that,” Sam muttered.

“Okay, my fault,” Cas mumbled back.

“So you’re finally dating your roommate, huh, Cassie?” Balthazar asked, giving Cas a possibly suspicious look.

“Yes, yeah.” Cas was trying to pull himself together, but he obviously hadn’t expected having to lie to his friends already. “Dating my roommate!”

Balth still looked unsure but he didn’t say anything about it as Gabe pulled a chair to sit across from Sam and Cas and asked, “How long you been together? And with out telling  _us_ , Cas?”

“Uh, five weeks now, I guess.” Sam intertwined his fingers with Cas’s, partially because they had to look like realistic boyfriends but mostly because he was nervous and it made him feel better. “And no one really knows yet. We’re, um, I guess we’re taking it slow. Yeah.”

“When’s the wedding?” Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows teasingly.

Cas, who’d been taking a sip of his eggnog, almost choked. “What? Sam literally just said  _taking it slow_.”

“He’s only joking, Cassie.” Balthazar smirked. “Don’t panic… Come on, Gabriel. Let’s leave the two lovers alone.”

“Ugh, fine. Catch you later, assholes.”

“Uh-huh. See you, Gabe.”

After Gabriel stumbled back into the main part of the cafe, Balthazar gave them a look. “Work on your acts, boys. Don’t know why you’re  _doing_ it, but if you want to be convincing… Well, you’re going to have to be a lot more convincing.” He left before either of them could reply.

“Could’ve gone worse?” Sam shrugged and Cas ran his fingers through his messy hair.

“It’s okay. We’ll make this work.” He stood up, not letting go of Sam’s hand, and pulled him to his feet. “Wanna go home?”

“Yeah. Dunno when exactly Dean’s driving up tomorrow, but I should probably get things ready for him.”

Jo winked at them as they walked past the counter, fingers still entangled.

“Thanks… for the eggnog, Jo,” Sam added, even though it was a lot more than that. “Goodnight.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's here, and poor Sammy is awkward asf.

This is gonna end in tears again.

That was what kept running through Sam’s head throughout the day. He was only fake dating Cas, but he didn’t “fake like” him. And somehow, just like pretty much every other relationship in his life, it would end badly.

He shook his head, forcing himself to concentrate on his laptop instead of listening for the sound of the Impala outside the apartment complex or his own thoughts. Cas was in what was now  _their_ room, putting away some of the last stuff he’d moved from his room into Sam’s. The door was open, and since he really wasn’t focusing on his laptop anyway, Sam could see him from where he was sitting on the couch, moving back and forth between his things on the bed, the closet, and the desk.

It had been a busy day, trying to get everything cleaned up and ready. Sam had apologized to Cas about five thousand and three times, and Cas had told him it was fine every single time, whether either of them knew what Sam was apologizing for or not.

Dean had called at ten and said he’d be there by twelve at the latest and it was eleven thirty.

“Seriously, Cas. You should go to sleep. It’s late, and it’s also winter break. You should get some sleep. You don’t have to stay up until Dean comes.”

“Just like every other time you told me that, I’m fine, it’s not that late, and I don’t wanna sleep,” Cas quietly yelled back from the room.

Sam didn’t know why he was even trying. He felt guilty for making him stay awake, especially with everything else that he was doing for Sam, but Cas was stubborn. “Sorry though,” he mumbled, partially hoping Cas would hear him and partially hoping he wouldn’t because his apologies were probably getting annoying.

He heard the floorboards creak as Cas walked from their bedroom. He sat down next to him, his shoulder brushing against Sam’s as he leaned his head back against the couch. “You don’t have to apologize for everything, you know.”

“Sorry.” Sam winced when he realized what he’d done. “Or, like, not sorry… I don’t know.”

Cas laughed quietly. “It’s fine, I promise. You’ve literally been doing it since we met so I’m used to it. I think it just got worse the, um… the longer you dated Luce.” He met Sam’s eyes. “Sorry. That was probably being too straight forward or something.”

“Now you’re the one apologizing.” Sam smiled slightly and shook his head. “You’re okay… And you’re probably right.” He wanted to say more, but he wasn’t sure how so he just glanced at his laptop. “I  _am_ sorry for making you do all this though.”

“Sam, really. I  _want_ to do this for you. You’re not  _making_ me do anything. You’re my friend and I, well, yeah.” Cas sighed, shrugging his shoulders.

Sam’s gaze snapped up when he finally heard the rumble of the Impala’s engine outside right before it shut off. “Dean’s here.”

Cas got up to close the door to their room, and Sam wiped his hands on his sweatpants, feeling nervous about all of this.

“Hey, Sam. You’re fine. It’s gonna work out.” Cas smiled at him, and Sam nodded and looked down, his face getting warm when he realized that Cas had noticed how anxious he was.

“Y-yeah, uh, thanks, Cas.”

“What are fake boyfriends for?”

Sam snorted and rolled his eyes, and Cas grinned.

There was a knock on the door and Sam put down his laptop, getting to his feet. Cas gave him an  _it’s now or never_  shrug, and Sam opened it.

“Sammy!” Dean chuckled, dropping his duffle bag, and wrapped his arms around him. Sam barely managed to hug him back before Dean pulled away, putting his hands on his shoulders. “Lemme look at you.” He shook his head and picked up his bag again. “Pfft, your hair’s even shaggier than when you came and visited me during summer break, what the hell?”

Sam huffed out a laugh and let Dean walk past him. “Leave me and my hair alone.”

“This your boyfriend, Sam?” Dean nodded at Cas, who was awkwardly standing there, watching the two brothers.

“Yeah… Um, uh, this is Cas.”

“Cas… Isn’t that the, uh, roommate you told me about?” Dean turned around to partially face Sam. “The one you mentioned was really cute?”

Cas raised his eyebrows in surprise and he smirked at Sam, who swallowed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. “I-I never- Well, uh- Yeah, okay, yeah. This is Cas, my roommate.”

“Nice to finally meet you then.” He shook Cas’s hand.

“You too. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Hey, what are you telling your friends, Sam?”

“Mostly good things.” Sam laughed, still nervous after what Dean had said.

“ _Mostly_ , huh?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Shut up. Your room’s right there, so yeah.” He nodded at the first door. “You probably wanna crash after your drive.”

“You guys really didn’t have to wait up for me though.” Dean opened the door partially.

“I kept telling Cas to go to sleep.”

“Awh, he supports you,” Dean mumbled, pretending to be sarcastic but Sam knew he was being serious. “I’m starting to like you, man.”

“Yeah, okay, thanks, Dean.  _Goodnight_.”

Dean snorted. “I’m going. I’m going.”

“Bathroom’s over there by the way.” Sam pointed to the back of the apartment.

“Thanks, Sammy. ‘Night, Cas.”

“Goodnight.”

Sam awkwardly stared at Cas after Dean closed the door. Cas rolled his eyes and grabbed his hand. Sam let him pull him into their room, surprised, but knowing that standing right outside of Dean’s door was probably a bad idea.

“Cas. If you don’t wanna share the bed, I can sleep on the floo-”

“Sam. We’ve been over this. As long as you’re good with it, I’m good with it.” He gave him a small smile, dropping Sam’s hand, and turned around towards the door that opened into the bathroom before Dean decided to use it.

Sam sighed and lay down on the bed, too mentally exhausted to care about even brushing his teeth. He faced away from the bathroom door as he heard the faucet running. A few minutes later he felt Cas lay down next to him and mumble a quiet  _goodnight_.

“’Night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so late. Holy shit. But I'm planning on posting at least one more part today too.....!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's........ cuddling....... *no one is surprised* Also, Dean is nice sometimes and made pancakes because he can. Cas is still a sweetheart but is also really fuckin' nervous. And baking is dangerous, okay?

Cas smiled softly when he woke up and realized how close Sam was to him. He’d been tossing and turning for a while last night and Cas had _wanted_ to hug him and calm him down, but he’d been a little worried about being invasive. Now Sam was finally sleeping, his head on Cas’s chest like it was a pillow and his arm slung across Cas.

He glanced at the door that opened from the bathroom when he heard it swing open slowly. He raised his eyebrow at Dean who gave him an awkward smile/shrug. “You guys are still asleep? It’s nine thirty.”

“And it’s winter _break_ and Sam didn’t sleep well,” Cas hissed back, trying to be quiet as he could.

“Oh.” Cas noticed a flash of concern on Dean’s face so he shook his head.

“It’s okay. He’s sleeping good now.”

Dean smirked. “Mm, I can tell. He’s really cuddled up against you.”

Sam groaned quietly, shifting a little, and Cas automatically ran his his fingers through his hair soothingly before glaring at Dean. “And you’re waking him up so fuck off.”

Dean smiled sheepishly and held up his hands submissively. “I’m leaving.” He closed the door quietly, making the room dimmer again, and Cas could hear the other door that opened into the hall click shut too. 

He rolled his eyes, wrapping his arm around Sam’s shoulder carefully. Sam moved closer, if that was possible, pressing his face against Cas’s neck and sighed quietly, apparently having gotten over almost being woken up by his brother.

Cas closed his eyes, tired enough to fall asleep again, especially with Sam curled up against him.

* * *

 “Fuck, sorry.”

Cas opened his eyes sleepily when he heard Sam mumbling an unnecessary apology. He was sitting up, eyes wide, looking nervous and oddly guilty.

Cas shook his head, sitting up too as soon as he saw his face. “Sam, it’s fine. I already woke up earlier and I didn’t care.” He was very much in Sam’s space again, and as chill as he always pretended to be, he was probably at _least_ just as nervous as Sam was. “I guess we can’t sleep in the same bed without ending up on one side together…”

Sam’s face turned red and he looked down. 

“You’re blushing again.” Cas bit his lip, trying not to smirk. 

“I… no…”

Cas brushed his hand against the side of Sam’s face like he’d done last time and rolled his eyes. “Sure, whatever you say. Your face is _incredibly_ warm though.”

Sam’s fingers grazed against Cas’s hesitantly before grabbing his wrist and pulling his hand over to Cas’s face. “Yeah, well, you’re blushing too.”

Cas laughed sheepishly and shrugged. Sam let go of his wrist and mumbled, “Merry Christmas Eve Day, I gue—”

“Okay, fuckers. Get up! It’s eleven thirty in the morning already and I made pancakes.”

Cas’s gaze snapped away from Sam’s face as Dean banged on the door right before he swung it open. Cas leaned forward, brushing his lips against Sam’s warm cheek. “Merry Christmas Eve Day.” He grabbed a pillow and threw it at Dean’s face as he got up. “We got it. Now stop coming in here without actually knocking.”

Sam shook his head from where he’d been slightly frozen after Cas kissed him. “You, um, you make it sound like he did this already.”

“Yeah. Like two hours ago. You two were all close and cuddled up. Your boyfriend is really protective of your sleep too.”

Sam’s face turned even redder if it was possible. “What?” His voice cracked on the single word, and Cas held back a laugh. “Yeah, try _knocking,_ jerk.”

“Bitch.” Dean grinned at him. “And sorry. I’ll _attempt_ knocking.”

Sam rolled his eyes and got up. “I’ll forgive you since you apparently made pancakes and they kinda smell amazing.”

Sam walked past Dean, teasingly hitting him in the back of the head and Dean grabbed the kitchen towel off his shoulder and smacked his arm.

Cas smiled slightly. It was nice seeing Sam act more confident around someone to the point where he could mess around with them, which didn’t happen enough.

“C’mon, Cas. The pancakes are gonna get cold,” Dean yelled from the kitchen, and Cas shook his head, following the two brothers. He sat down next to Sam on one of the bar stools as Dean put two plates loaded with pancakes in front of them.

“Wow, your boyfriend’s hair is worse than mine after I wake up, Sammy.”

Cas rolled his eyes and tried to fix it with his hands even though he knew it wouldn’t do much.

“Leave it. It looks cute messy.” Sam glared at Dean and ran his fingers through Cas’s hair, fluffing it up again. Cas tensed, chills running down his back at the feeling, but tried to hide it.

“Geez, okay. Fine.” Dean grabbed his own plate and sat down next to Cas, stuffing a forkful of food in his mouth immediately. “Wow, I make really good pancakes.”

“Calm your ego, Dean.” Sam grinned before taking a bite. “Or don’t. I guess they are pretty okay.”

“Pfft, they’re fucking amazing, and you know it.”

* * *

Later in the afternoon Dean left to see some friends he hadn’t seen in awhile, and Cas and Sam were left to awkwardly stare at each other for a few seconds again. Sam was the one to break the silence this time as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. 

“So you know the Christmas party Jo and Charlie are throwing? The private-just-friends one?” Cas nodded. “So I might’ve accidentally suggested that I could make something, and I’m not really much of a baker or anything, so that’s totally gonna end up well.” He let out a half hearted chuckle, and Cas smirked.

“You really enjoy digging yourself into holes, don’t you?”

“Shut up.”

“I could help you if you want?"

“You’d do that?” Sam glanced up at him with a hopeful look.

“As I keep saying. What are fake boyfriend for, right?”

Sam actually snorted this time and shook his head. “Thanks. Probably just gonna make some cookies or something?”

“Sounds simple enough.”

* * *

 It was not simple enough.

 At all.

The first batch ended up a little way too baked, Cas burnt three of his fingers, Sam was honestly just too adorable when he was covered in flour, and they weren’t even done.

Sam pulled a sheet out of the oven, biting his lip, and breathed out a sigh of relief when he placed it on the counter without burning himself. “They actually look edible!”

“ _Hey_! Those look…” Cas glanced at the first set of cookies and his voice trailed off. “Somewhat edible?” He gave Sam a lopsided smile and shrugged.

Sam shook his head and grabbed a cookie cutter to make some more.

They filled up another sheet pretty quickly and Cas slid it in, since they’d decided that Cas would be in charge of sticking them in and Sam would be the one taking them out ever since Cas burned himself.

He turned around and raised his eyebrows in surprise when he bumped into Sam. “Whoa, sorry!”

“No, that was— that was my fault!" Sam stuttered out. "I was just making sure you weren’t gonna manage to freaking set yourself on fire.”

Cas took in a shaky breath because Sam was still standing right in front of him, probably not realizing what he was doing. “There aren’t any open flames, Sam.”

“Yeah, but you would probably still find a way.” Sam grinned at him before his eyes widened and he stumbled backwards. “Sorry. Shit.”

Cas shook his head. “It’s fine. I don’t care if you’re standing closing to me, or sleeping close to me, or whatever. I mean, come on. We have to learn to be convincing.” Despite what he was saying, he felt nervous as hell, but Sam was anxious enough and didn’t need Cas’s anxiety on top of his own. And even though he was nervous, he really _didn’t_ mind.

Sam gave him a small, appreciative smile and turned around to roll out another batch.

Cas waited until he was done with that before standing next to him and cutting more cookies out. It once again included standing violently close, hands brushing against each other, and trying not to visibly react whenever that happened, which was all both infuriating and oddly not so terrible.

“Um, hey, Sam?”

“Mm-hm?” Sam mumbled, giving him a look from the side.

“Sorry for, uh, kissing you this morning. I just figured doing something like that would, like… would possibly cover for any awkwardness Dean might’ve noticed before. It was kinda spur of the moment and I don’t know. I hope it wasn’t invasive or anything, and—”

Sam turned to face him, shaking his head, his cheeks looking flushed because Cas had brought it up. “It-it’s fine, really. I didn’t mind.” Cas noticed a small smile on his lips before he noticeably swallowed. “Thanks for, y’know, being willing to say sorry though or whatever. You didn’t have to, but um, thanks for being considerate? If that makes any sense.” He let out a half laugh that squeaked a little.

Cas looked up at him, meeting his eyes. “It definitely makes sense. And of course.”

“It’s just… some people wouldn’t care. They’d… just, like, take what they want and not give a shit about how that, y’know, left you, and yeah.” An indescribable look flashed across Sam’s face that genuinely just made Cas want to give him a hug before Sam shrugged. “Just thanks.”

“Always..." Cas bit his lip. "I mean that. If you feel uncomfortable with anything ever, just tell me.”

Sam nodded before brushing his fingers over Cas’s nose and cheek gently. “You have… You have flour on your face and all over your hair,” he said, his voice coming out in a soft whisper.

Cas could feel his face getting warmer before he mumbled, “You’re covered in it too, you know.”

Sam huffed out a laugh, tilting his head slightly as he smiled.

Suddenly the timer on the oven went off and Sam jerked away. Cas reached for the oven door handle but Sam put his arm in front of Cas’s chest. “Dude, Cas. We’ve discussed this.”

Cas rolled his eyes but let Sam shove him to the side gently and take out the cookies on his own. “Hey, Sam, we’re getting better at this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably a mess of a chapter tbh. Also, I was working on this on _Thursday _already, but then I got distracted by Sastiel Cards Against Humanity that went on for literal hours. So blame everyone involved. *cough*__


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *suddenly reappears after a month with 4.2k words for this fic*  
> It's kinda all over the place and, as forewarning, they also discuss Lucifer.

Sam was sitting on the couch with his laptop again. They’d finished making cookies already, Dean was still out, the party was in an hour, and Sam was stressing the fuck out.

He jumped when Cas touched his shoulder, half swinging his fist at Cas before realizing it was him. “Shit! I’m sorry, Cas. I’m really sorry. Fuck.” His face was hot, and he felt genuinely awful for almost hitting Cas, who looked a little surprised but shook his head half a second later.

“Don’t worry about it. You didn’t even touch me.” He huffed out a quiet laugh before walking around and sitting down next to Sam. Not sitting as close to Sam as he had last night which Sam was oddly disappointed by.

“Could you, um…” Sam mumbled nervously. “Could you always kinda let me know that you’re gonna touch me or at least let me know that you’re close or there or whatever?” He ducked his head, his face which was just starting to feel less hot got really warm again. “ _Fuck_ , that’s really specific and picky and annoying and holy shit. I’m literally the worst fake boyfriend ever.” He laughed, but it sounded self deprecating as hell even to himself. “I’m sorry.”

“Fuck you, you’re not the worst fake boyfriend ever.” Cas moved closer to him and carefully reached for Sam’s hand with his not-burnt left hand, more hesitant this time and making eye contact with Sam who, as nervous and confused as he felt, let Cas take his hand and sit almost pressed against him, because admittedly, it felt nice and calming. It was a surprisingly intimate move though considering the fact that their relationship was pretty damn fake and there was no one around to benefit from their closeness. “In all honesty, you wouldn’t make a terrible real boyfriend either, y'know?”

Sam blushed even more when he said that, except this time it was less mortified and guilty and more happy and surprised. “Sure…”

Cas laughed. “I’m serious.” Sam met his gaze this time instead of looking down, and Cas smiled at him. They were still holding hands, pressed together, and Sam’s gaze dropped to Cas’s lips before coming back up to his eyes again, swallowing hard, worried that Cas had noticed.

He let out a laugh, that was squeaky as hell, and tried to get his breathing even. “Um, did you, did you, like um, you know, want something?”

Cas bit his lip and moved away a little, realizing how badly Sam was panicking, but not letting go of his hand because Sam was very obviously still holding onto his. “I just… I thought…” He shook his head. “I thought it would be a good idea to figure out what we’re both comfortable doing. Because we know people at the party. People who are gonna be, like, curious about our… relationship.”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, um, probably a good idea. People…” He sighed dramatically and Cas shook his head with a grin.

“I’m assuming holding hands is okay?” Cas held up their hands and shrugged. “I mean, considering.”

Sam ran his other hand through his hair and nodded awkwardly. “Y-yeah. Uh, like, it’ll convince… people.”

“You’re really struggling with the people aspect, huh?” Cas raised his eyebrows teasingly.

“Shut it. People can be fucking scary, alright? I’d take a literal demon over them sometimes.”

Cas actually laughed when Sam said that, throwing his head back and looking up at the ceiling, and Sam smiled, biting the inside of his lip, feeling happy with himself. “ _Fine_. You have a point. I don’t like being around most people that much either… Okay, so holding hands is cool with both of us. Uh, and sitting close?”

“Definitely, yeah.” Sam blushed when he realized how quickly he’d answered and Cas bit his lip, trying to hide a grin. “I mean, like, um, we already do it, so like, yeah, and it just seems…” He stopped stumbling out his awkward excuse when he realized that Cas was full on smiling at him in an oddly fond way. “What?”

Cas looked flustered and he laughed. “You just… I… Sorry…” Sam shook his head slightly, letting him know he didn’t have to apologize, but he had to admit that he was curious. It was impossible that this adorable boy actually liked him, right? Sam was just imagining it. Seeing what he wanted to see. Cas was way too good for him.

Sam raised his eyebrows, one of Cas’s words snapping him back to the current situation. “Wait, what’d you say?  _Kiss_?”

Cas grinned at Sam with that soft look again. “Cheek. Kisses on the cheek, Sam.”

“Oh…  _Oh_.”

“Only if you feel comfortable, Sam. Promise.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Wait, yeah?” Cas looked surprised at the quick answer.

“Yeah…” He met Cas’s eyes and gave him a half shrug. “Convince people, remember?”

“Convince people, yeah,” Cas mumbled.

With the way that Cas was staring back at him, Sam almost wanted to lean forward and just kiss him for real. Because he knew that if he were to kiss anyone, he would probably kiss Cas again. Cas felt safe and comforting. He’d watched out for Sam after the break up and he was still watching out for him in this weird extension of that mess.

There was a knock on the door and Dean’s muffled voice saying it was him and Sam had to stop looking at Cas but he leaned forward first, pressing his lips to Cas’s cheek and whispered, “Practice,” when Cas’s eyebrows shot up.

Sam got to his feet, waiting for Cas to let go of his hand because he still looked a little shocked. He shook his head and dropped it, looking up at Sam. Sam gave him a small, shy smile and went to unlock the door for his brother.

* * *

Sam reached for Cas’s hand blindly as they entered the Jo’s Cafe, holding a platter of cookies in his other hand. Some of their friends would be here and now they had to act for a lot more people. But honestly, the hand holding was more wanting to have the reassurance of Cas being there with him than pulling off the boyfriend thing. He could just do it now  _because_  of the the boyfriend thing.

Cas squeezed his hand gently and smiled up at him reassuringly. Sam smiled too, more shyly because he knew that Cas didn’t have to do that but he had.

“Cas! Sam!”

Sam glanced up when he heard Charlie’s voice right before he felt her collide with him in a hug. He laughed and let go of Cas’s hand to hug her back without dropping the cookies. “Hey, Char. How you doing?”

“Good, you?” She gave Cas a hug and mumbled quietly, “Jo told me about you guys, so don’t worry about that… Ooh, cookies!” She added in her normal voice. “Did your boyfriend help you?” She wiggled her eyebrows teasingly and Sam’s face got hot but grabbed Cas’s hand again as she took the plate from him.

“Yep. My boyfriend helped me.”

Cas held up his other hand with a dry laugh. “Evidence.” It had four bandaids on it and there was still some redness peeking out from underneath them. “I burned three of my fingers.”

Charlie smirked and shook her head. “Of course you did.”

Sam flinched and spun around when someone poked his back with two fingers.

“Whoa, easy there, Sammy.” Gabe was standing there grinning.

Cas squeezed his hand tight and stepped closer to him. “Dude, Gabriel. Don’t surprise people like that.”

“Whoa  _whoa_! Someone’s protective of their boyfriend, huh?”

“ _Yeah_  I am. Fuck off.”

Gabe rolled his eyes and sighed. “Okay, fine. Sorry, Sammy. Didn’t mean to scare ya.” He held up a peace sign and walked to the counter to get a drink.

“It’s  _Sam_ ,” Cas and Sam said at the same time and Sam breathed out a quiet laugh, releasing the tension in his chest.

“Sorry. I’ve just heard you telling people that literally since I moved in with you.” Cas was blushing slightly, and why did he look so cute.

“No, it’s okay. It’s fine, really.” Sam repositioned his hand so that their fingers were intertwined and tugged Cas after him as he headed to the back room, stopping only at the counter to say hi to Jo, who gave them a subtle thumbs up and said they looked great together. Sam dropped onto the couch they’d been sitting on just a couple nights before and Cas sat down next to him, closer than absolutely necessary but Sam wasn’t about to complain.

“Hello, boys.” Balthazar said from a soft chair next to the sofa. He’d been talking to Anna but she’d just gotten up to go to the front of the cafe. “You actually look more comfortable today. Congrats.”

“Yeah, well thanks for the advice,” Sam mumbled, trying not to talk loud enough for other people to hear.

“It wasn’t a problem. Anything for Cassie, you know?”

Charlie came into the room, practically dragging Jo in behind her by the hand. “Come on, babe. You should have some fun too instead of just working the drinks for tonight.”

“But drinks  _are_  fun.”

“Holy shit, Jo. You and Charlie have matching ugly Christmas sweaters.” Cas laughed and Jo glared at him.

“It was her idea.”

“And she looks damn cute in it too.”

Jo rolled her eyes but smiled slightly. “Fine. Who wants to play some games?”

* * *

A few hours later, Sam was on the other side of the couch without Cas. The last game he’d had played was beer pong with eggnog instead of beer. Jo had made the eggnogs stronger than usual and Sam was feeling slightly buzzed and comfortable.

It was almost midnight and some people had already left, like Naomi and Raphael. Kevin and Charlie were in her adjacent bookstore because Kevin had asked her about some book. Sam could hear Jo getting some of the cups and shit cleaned up in the front room with Cassie and Balthazar. Dean, Benny, Anna, Ruby, Crowley, and Cas were playing another round of eggnog pong on the other side of the room but Sam had opted out and was watching them instead. They were almost done and Cas kept shooting him random winks. Sam couldn’t tell whether he was doing it for show or not, but he honestly didn’t care because flirty Cas was adorable. Sam sighed contentedly and leaned his head against the back of the couch. He felt a lot better right now than he had at the Break Up Party™.

“Hey, Sam.” Cas’s soft whisper still distinct over the holiday music playing from the speakers made Sam open his eyes. “I just wanted to make sure you knew I was here, you know…” He looked nervous and awkward but Sam smiled and grabbed his hand, pulling him down next to him. Cas collapsed against him, at least a little tipsy, and he was completely pressed against him because Anna and Ruby had seated themselves right next to them and looked a few minutes away from a heated make out session. Cas hooked his knee over Sam’s and Sam wrapped his arm around Cas, letting him lean against his chest.

“Mm, you’re nice and warm,” Cas mumbled, nuzzling his face against Sam’s red and black checkered flannel. Sam muscles tightened, goosebumps running up is back, before relaxing and hugging Cas a little tighter, kissing the top of his head.

“Hey, wait! Not yet!” Gabriel rushed over, holding what looked suspiciously like mistletoe. He held it over Cas and Sam’s head and Sam froze, panicking. Cas stiffened too but he sat up a little straighter when he felt Sam tense under him.

“Gabe, what the  _fuck_? Go away.”

Gabriel snorted. “Pfft, yeah right. I ain’t moving until you kiss. That’s what happens with mistletoe.”

“Oh, come on. You couldn’t have done it to Anna and Ruby here? Or Jo and Charlie? Dean and Cassie? Anyone else?”

“Yeah, well they  _have_  kissed throughout the night. You two though… Come on. Live a little, Cas. Don’t be scared of a little PDA.”

Sam was trying to calm his breathing down as Cas was arguing with Gabe. He met Balthazar’s eyes as he came into the room, who shrugged with a  _be convincing, right?_  look in his eyes. “I think I’m okay with it if you’re okay with it.” Sam forced out a laugh, trying to make it seem like the only they were having an issue with here was kissing in front of people. “I mean, mistletoe, right?”

Cas managed to not look completely shocked and he mumbled softly, “You sure? Because I’m fully capable of making Gabriel fuck off if you want.” He was tilting his head a little closer though and suddenly Sam didn’t want Gabriel to fuck off. Suddenly his hand was on Cas’s face and his lips were pressed against Cas’s, soft and gentle, and Cas’s fingers were tangled in his hair.

The kiss was over almost before it started because they obviously both felt a little awkward, but that didn’t change how good it had felt.

Gabe whooped and Sam glanced up at him as Cas rolled his eyes. “There. I will now fuck off, Cassie. Hope that got you two over your shyness.”

Sam looked back down at Cas. His hand was still on Cas’s face and could feel the heat of his blush radiating against his palm. Cas’s gaze flitted to his lips, long enough for Sam to notice and his face got even warmer if possible.

“ _Hey_ , earth to Sam.” Dean sounded like he’d already said it a few times and Sam shook his head, forcing himself to look at him.

“What’s up?”

“I know your boyfriend’s face seems a lot more interesting at the moment, but Charlie wants everyone to come to the front room for charades or some shit.”

“Mm, okay yeah. Coming.”

* * *

It was one a.m. and almost everyone was gone. Kevin and Charlie were nerding out over something and Cas and Sam had just finished helping Jo with cleaning stuff up. Dean had left with Cassie with a wink and a promise to be back by morning.

Sam yawned and Cas glanced at him before giving Jo a hug. “We should probably go. Thanks for the great night.”

She shrugged. “No problem. Thanks for helping with the clean up. And sorry about the mistletoe.”

“Nah, not your fault, Jo. Gabe just likes being annoying and probably assumed he was doing us a favor.” Cas grinned. “Besides, Sam  _is_  my boyfriend, so kissing isn’t  _that_  insane, right?”

Sam bit his lip when Cas said  _my boyfriend_  in relation to him, smiling slightly.

“Maybe it  _was_  a favor.” Jo wiggled her eyebrows and grinned teasingly.

Sam looked at her in surprise, blushing. I mean, she wasn’t wrong, but still. Cas didn’t say anything, and Sam wasn’t sure which way he should take that so he just stepped forward to hug Jo.

“’Night.”

“Yeah, see ya.”

He followed Cas around the counter and hugged Charlie and Kevin goodnight. They stepped outside into the cold and Cas laced the fingers together. Balthazar was outside smoking a cigarette and Gabriel was sitting at a small table waiting for him.

“You two want to take this whiney arse with you, Cassie?” Balthazar glanced up and Gabriel glared at him.

“He’s my ride and he’s taking forever. It’s freezing.”

“Don’t drink so much and you could get home yourself, Gabriel, so shut your mouth.” Balth exhaled a cloud of smoke with a tired sigh.

“Or  _walk_ ,” Cas added.

“My place isn’t as close as yours, dumbass, and again. It’s freezing.”

Cas laughed. “He really  _is_  whiny tonight. I am, in fact, not taking him with. Happy Holidays.”

“Have a good night.” Gabriel gave them a suggestive look and Sam almost choked on air.

“I’m still ace, Gabe,” Cas replied, his voice even, but also noticeably annoyed, and Sam squeezed his hand, a little bit surprised. He’d thought it was a possibility though since Cas had said he was panromantic on Friday and he’d had talked about asexuality before in passing.

Gabriel looked guilty immediately, running his fingers through his hair. “Sorry, Cas. Get carried away sometimes. Happy Holidays.”

“Goodnight, gents.” Balthazar nodded at them.

“’Night.”

* * *

Back at the apartment, Sam had been trying to fall asleep for awhile, but all he was managing was dozing off for a few minutes. His thoughts were too loud and it was easiest to think about Luce when he was in the quiet and the dark.

He felt Cas suddenly sit up next to him, and turned to face him. “What’s wrong?”

“I… Is there anything that helps you sleep?” Sam couldn’t see his facial expression very well but he could tell that Cas was rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“Oh… Sorry. I’m probably bothering you with my tossing and turning.”

“No! No, that’s not… I just want to help, Sam.” Cas’s hand brushed against his arm in the dark and Sam heard him sigh tiredly.

“I mean… There’s something that kinda helps. But it’d probably bother you.”

“What is it?”

“Um… Well, you know the lights that I have strung on the wall right here above the bed? They’re, uh, usually on during the night. They’re like, I dunno. Oddly comforting.” Sam cleared his throat. “I just don’t know if you can sleep with light, you know?”

“Oh!” Cas sounded almost excited. “No, I sleep fine with lights. But now I can help. Where’s the plug?”

“Um, uh, here. On my side by the nightstand.” Sam felt the mattress shift as Cas stood up. He blinked a few times when the white string lights turned on after Cas fumbled around with the outlet in the dark. He grinned and walked around the bed to his side and lay down next to Sam, his face only a few inches away from Sam’s. “Better?”

Sam nodded with a shy smile. “Yeah, thank you, Cas.”

“Of course.”

Sam turned over onto his other side, because staring at Cas’s face under the soft glow of the lights wasn’t a good idea.

“Sorry about Gabe earlier,” Cas mumbled after a couple minutes. “He… I think he usually means well, but… I don’t know. Sorry…” Sam was about to reply before Cas started talking again. “I  _am_  ace though, and I don’t even know if I’ve ever specified that. But yeah. Panromantic ace.”

“Oh.” Sam paused before rolling back over to look at Cas again. “I, um, I actually identify as… as, uh, ace too.” He finished his sentence a lot more quietly than he’d started it, and he wasn’t sure why he felt so nervous about admitting it out loud to Cas since Cas obviously understood. Maybe it was because Luce had laughed and thought it was a made up concept when Sam told him a little after they’d started dating.

“Oh, really?”

Sam huffed out a laugh. “You sound surprised.”

“No! I mean, I just never really considered it because I heard you and Luce, um, banging a few to many times.” He was blushing a lot at this point and he looked embarrassed too. “I shouldn’t have assumed though, sorry. I’m not saying you can’t still have sex or whatever and— Shit, I’m sorry. I should really stop talking now before I dig myself deeper into this hole.”

“Hey, Cas. It’s fine. I think I know what you mean… It’s… I… It was complicated, I guess.” Sam cleared his throat, sitting up, needing to move a little.

Cas sat up too, sensing Sam’s discomfort. His hand touched Sam’s arm gently, and  _God_ , Sam just wanted to let Cas hug him. “You don’t have to talk about it, Sam. Really.”

“I, um. It’s okay…” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I told him I was ace like two weeks into the relationship, and he thought it was weird and fake, and… Ugh, I should’ve dumped his stupid ass right then and there, but I didn’t. I guess I thought I could convince him, and I liked him because he distracted me from my thoughts and he could be sweet. I don’t even know.” His voice cracked because talking about it was making him remember everything, but it was also felt good to actually be able to talk about it with someone who  _cared_.

“And yeah, we had sex sometimes because I don’t really mind doing it for my partner. But eventually he’d start pressuring me into it even when I didn’t want to, and just…” Sam sighed, not sure where he was going with this anymore. “And I knew that you guys wanted me to break up with him, but I guess some stupid part of me fell in love with him and I… Maybe I just get attached to people more than they get attached to me.” Sam laughed dryly, using Cas’s words from the other night, but this time, even his laugh cracked in that weird way when you’re trying not to cry.

Cas moved a little closer, letting their shoulders touch, his hand sliding down Sam’s arm to his hand. Sam grabbed it, needing to ground himself with something.

“Are you oka-” Cas stopped talking and sighed. “That’s a stupid question, I know, but still. Are you going to be okay?” His voice was soft and caring and Sam was having a hard time keeping himself together just because Cas was being so nice. “You shouldn’t hate yourself for falling in love with someone, even if you realize it’s stupid later on. I mean, it’s… it’s only human, Sam. Please don’t blame yourself for anything that happened. It could never be your fault.”

And, oh God, was Sam crying? He felt like an idiot for it, but Cas was putting his arms around him and mumbling random comforting things, which made it worse and better all at the same time.

“I’m sorry, Cas. Fuck. I’m making your shirt all wet, sorry.” Sam sniffed, but he didn’t have it in him to stop leaning against Cas’s shoulder. His forehead was pressed against Cas’s neck and Cas was still hugging him against his chest. Sam tugged up the collar of his own shirt to wipe his eyes. “You’re just so goddamned  _nice_ , Cas. What the fuck?”

“I’m… sorry?” Cas was smiling down at him slightly as he brushed Sam’s hair out of his eyes. “And don’t worry about my shirt. It’s okay.”

“Thank you,” Sam whispered, gently brushing his thumb over Cas’s jawline and it almost seemed like Cas leaned into his hand. “For, uh, what you said, and for letting me cry on you.” He bit his lip, trying to avoid looking at Cas’s lips since they were so close and his emotions were all over the place currently. “You’re just… really really nice, okay?”

Cas snorted. “Thanks, but I’m honestly way more of an asshole.”

“If you are, you’re probably the nicest asshole then.”

He huffed out a laugh at that and Sam felt it against his cheek, making him smile softly. “Fine. That works, I guess.”

They sat like that for a few minutes, and Sam knew he should move away already because Cas wasn’t his actual boyfriend and he felt annoying, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Cas was warm and comforting, and it felt good to lean against him.

“You think you’ll be able to fall asleep now?” Cas mumbled against his hair.

“Mm, yeah. I think so.”

Cas moved so that he was on his back, and Sam had expected him to let go, but he’d gently tugged Sam next to him. “If you don’t mind… I mean, it, uh, helps you sleep better, right?”

Sam felt his face get warm when he remembered that morning but nodded and relaxed against Cas. “Sorry for keeping you awake for so long though. What time is it?”

Cas reached for his phone on the nightstand. “Three fifty-two.” He let his arm drape over Sam again. “And it’s okay. Staying awake for you really isn’t that bad.” Sam froze in surprise when he felt Cas’s lips press against his temple and he wasn’t sure what to do. “Goodnight, Sam.”

“’Night.” Sam’s voice squeaked but he could barely focus on what his voice was doing when he was cuddling with Cas again and he’d just kissed him on the forehead. It was more intimate than the cheek kisses that day and somehow more intimate than the kiss at the party, because there’d been no specific reason for it.

Cas was probably still a little intoxicated or he was just tired, but it had felt caring either way. The Gabriel Initiated Kiss today had been short and sweet and confusing. The kiss after the break up at the party two months ago had been in the heat of the moment and it’d been hot and messy but still confusing. 

This simple forehead kiss had been grounding in a way though. Sam would be lying if he said it didn’t confuse him at all, but that was mostly in regards to Cas even kissing him. The feeling the kiss itself caused was soothing and relaxing. It made him feel comforted and safe just like being around Cas oddly did.

Sam actually fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is 1000% appreciated. xxx  
> also should i... write an extra part about the Break Up Party™?


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